5 Favorite Things I Just Don’t Understand Posted on 18 Nov 14:29 , 0 comments

Dear Porteños,

Try as I might, I just don’t understand you, and I’ve been wondering:

5. Is That Your Real Nose?

Walking around Buenos Aires, you might wonder why everyone is covered in bandages.  With socialized medicine making plastic surgery very cheap or even free, Porteños have no excuse not to look ‘perfect’.  My gym locker room is like a pageant competition for the fakest breasts.  Men aren’t exempt from the vanity either.  I’ve been told by a reliable source that the third most popular procedure in BA is butt implants….for men.  And speaking of butts…..

4. Is This a Joke?  Where Are the Real Swimsuits?

Shopping for swimsuits is unpleasant enough as it is, but as I discovered this spring, while looking for a new suit, it gets sooooo muuuuuuuch worse.  Argentine bikini bottoms come in one style only: thong.  It is one thing to wear them under your clothes, but why do I have to show the entire world my entire badonkadonk at the beach?!  I begrudge no woman that does, but why aren’t there any options for those of us who are a bit more modest?

3. How Do You Shop So Much?

For a country with a recent history of financial collapse, and a constantly inflated currency, one would assume that shopping wouldn’t be a Porteno’s drug of choice.  Having spent much time myself studying these shoppers in their natural habitat, I will make the broad generalizing stereotype that Portenos love to shop.

2. Why Does the Gym Sell Candy?

Portenos are possibly one of the more body obsessed cultures in existence today.  Eating disorders are almost as common as gym memberships.  So with all this emphasis on body image and fitness, you would think that there would also be a general interest in nutrition, but the candy selection at my gym says otherwise.

1. What is With the Facial Piercings? Seriously.

A current fashion trend in Buenos Aires that you’re sure to notice is the popularity of facial piercings amoung young, and not so young Portenos.  For boys, an eyebrow piercing is popular, whereas girls prefer a small stud on the upper lip.  Nose and ear piercings are popular between both sexes.  I don’t really fit in, because I don’t even have my ears pierced.