What The Bidet!? Posted on 18 Aug 19:18 , 0 comments


“Don’t talk potty talk!” was a common mantra at my childhood dinner table, and a rule that my little brother in particular had trouble abiding.

Not speaking about the bathroom and what goes on within it has been a rule I live my life by. But today I shall make an exception to elaborate on a subject that I find worthy of discussion: the bidet.

We don’t have bidets in America!  Maybe I am ignorant, unhygenic or uneducated, but I seriously had no idea what the purpose was. My bidet just sat peacefully, unused in my bathroom, like a white porcelain accessory for my toilet. I never gave it a second thought.  I really never thought about what it was or why someone would use it.  I just assumed everyone else ignored it like me.  They even have bidets in public bathrooms here, which made me wonder, ‘wait, is everyone using this thing except me?’

Yes – confirmed Lucas after an awkward conversation.  Everyone else here uses the bidet except me.  So I thought it was high time that I learned.

As you might guess (or already knew) the bidet is used for a post toilet deep clean.  And if you were like me, and never knew how to use it, but would like to – here is the deal:

Step 1: Do your normal business.  We don’t need to elaborate.

Step 2: Keep those pants down and slide on over to the bidet.  Position yourself above the faucet and turn on the water!  Enjoy the shower.  Be careful because sometimes that faucet has a lot of power.  I wish my shower had the same water pressure as my bidet.  Consider using soap.

Step 3: Turn the water off and dry off using toilet paper.  The towel next to the bidet is for your hands, not your butt.

Can you see my bidet hiding?

So dear readers, anyone else had a bidet consciousness conversion like myself?  Anything I missed??